Connect with us

ROMANCE

Disability And Sexuality: Sexy Friendship

Published

on

This post has changed so many times, I feel like Lady Gaga’s fashion consultant. “NO, wear this! Oh wait, why not this instead? Hold on: You want to wear THAT? Nobody wears those anymore!”

Even in this final version, I feel the tug of war between talking about sexiness and friendship, two things that don’t always go well together. It is a battle between mass media’s idea of sexiness, and the people who are physically disabled and who look different.

Also—and to be brutally honest—I’m at a very low point in my life. I’m 55 years old, and I’ve been feeling very unsexy these days: My artificial hip is overdue to be replaced, and the pain I’ve been dealing with is the worst it’s ever been.

How am I supposed to feel sexy—let alone write sexy—under these circumstances? By remembering my self-given nick-name: Gutsy Dwarf! I will now do my best to tackle the subject of sexy friendship.

Pain and Prejudice
I’m sure many people with disabilities face this same battle against pain. Not only do we have to face society’s prejudice against people with disabilities in regards to how we look, when we are in pain it is very hard to feel sexy enough to seduce someone into having just a cup of tea, never mind getting naked together.

So how exactly did this unsexy feeling dwarf end up having such a fulfilling love life? Through honest hard-core FRIENDSHIP! That’s right: FRIENDSHIP, all in capitals, bold, underlined AND exclamation pointed!

Getting back to the tug of war in my mind about this post: I just deleted a longish rant about “beautiful people” because I’m tired of feeling angry. Anger, like chronic pain, is “tres, tres” unsexy.

Instead I will switch to humor to point out a few reasons why our disabilities, and our friendship can be considered super-sexy!

Fashion Shmashion
In case you haven’t noticed: What is considered sexy has varied widely throughout history, as many anthropologists will confirm. Clothing accessories, hairstyles, makeup, even body modifications have always been used to conform to society’s ideas of what is beautiful and handsome.

Here’s just a few examples:

Tight fitting corsets for that perfect hourglass shape
Teensy-weensy shoes that restrict the growth of a geisha’s feet
Metal rings, big or small, to stretch necks and/or earlobes to extreme proportions
Facial tattoos, body piercings and scarifications
Liposuction, facelifts, tummy tucks and botox
I’ve always felt that the extremes that many people go through to be considered sexy is mindboggling AND disturbing. And yet somehow, the natural variety presented by those of us society considers to be “disabled” are mostly thought of as unsexy? Give me a break!

Beyond Fashion
My advice for anyone looking to start a relationship, or even just to ask someone out on a date is pretty much the same: Don’t ever think of it as dating. Instead, think of it as friend making. Go out with people you like with no goals in mind but having a bit of fun, and getting to know each other a little better.

To be clear, I’m not advocating that we ignore sexual attraction: We all have our likes and dislikes. But beyond the basics of good hygiene and grooming, I think we can all focus on more important things when it comes to building relationships of every kind.

READ ALSO:  Actress Queeneth Agbor supports sex before marriage, her reasons will shock you

Honest Friendship
My basic philosophy has always been straight forward and simple. I would approach the person who I was attracted to and say “I like you: Let’s do something fun together!”

Maybe not in those exact words, but more in the way that that I let them know it was about having fun, and possibly ending up as friends first and foremost. Friends are people we basically get along with, have fun and conversations with. Good friends are people we trust and open up to. If you can’t manage that type of relationship, good luck with the more intimate kind.

Polite AND Gutsy
But once we build up our circle of friends, how do we handle the situation where there is a strong sexual attraction? My choice was clear: Be polite AND gutsy.

To illustrate this point, I will tell you about a former lover of mine. Her name was Becky, and I met her in the choir we both belonged too. My attraction to her was instant, but it turned out she had a boyfriend.

Yes, I thought she was beautiful. But she also had such a sweet voice, and appeared to be so kind and gentle, I just wanted to be near her, in whatever context she chose. So I started to invite her to coffee, and that was how our friendship started: Strictly platonic for almost a year. Until suddenly, it was terrifically sexy.

It happened one evening after our usual post-dinner discussions about this and that. She appeared to have a stiff neck, so I offered her a neck rub. We got comfortable on the cushy carpeted living room floor, and I set to work on soothing all those tension knots.

From the sounds of it, she was very appreciative. All of a sudden, Becky sat bolt upright and said “If I don’t leave now, I’m going to take off all of my clothes”.

Getting back to the polite but bold part of my advice, I replied “Would that be a bad thing?”

She quickly answered “No, it would not” and that was the beginning of a very hot and sexy summer. In the end, I lost touch with Becky when she had to move to another city very far away, but not before we spent a “last hurrah” type evening together.

Love Thy Gutsy Self
I think it is also important to imagine yourself as your own best friend and lover. “Love thyself” has become a cliché for a reason, but I will extend that even further: Make regular dates with yourself, and include happy endings (masturbation)!

Practice being romantic with yourself and plan your sexy evening however you want: Go out for dinner or order in, watch your favorite movie, and finish the date with a great masturbation session.

Simply put: If you are single, you might as well be the happiest most sexually satisfied single you can be!

Once you reach that Zen-state of being your own best friend, you have a better chance that others will naturally find you sexy, lovable, worthy of friendship and beyond. And if not: To hell with them, you’re still awesome!

With love to all of our readers out there,

Francois Verpaelst

Facebook Comments

Advertisement

Entertainment News

Facebook

Advertisement

Most Read

Advertisement

Recent Posts

Advertisement