Caitlyn Jenner has revealed that she suffered a massive panic attack after her first gender reassignment surgery.
The reality star has opened up about her life-long struggle with gender issues in her new book, The Secrets Of My Life.
And the 67-year-old I Am Cait and Keeping Up With The Kardashians star revealed that she completely freaked out after having her first major surgery.
In the autobiography, Caitlyn talks about returning home after having surgery to make her face more feminine and getting breast implants.
After struggling to get some real sleep thanks to the drugs in her system from the surgery, Caitlyn says that her heart began thumping and she suffered a massive panic attack, asking herself: “What the f**k did you do?”
She wrote: “This has never happened to me before. I am always in control of my emotions, but not tonight. Get a grip. Just get a grip. Try to take a deep breath. In. Out. Another. In. Out.
“It’s not working. I am having a panic attack. Every questions that I had before the surgery hits me again, only this time like a stream of bullets. Without embellishing – and I swear I am not embellishing – it is like I am convulsing inside.
” What the f**k did you just do? What the f**k did you just do? Stop it. Just stop it! I can’t. What the f**k did you just do?!! Louder inside my head. WHAT THE F**K DID YOU JUST DO??!!
“The cold dread of fear. The public may be accepting of me in the 20/20 piece [The Diane Sawyer interview] . But I was still Bruce when the cameras rolled. They haven’t seen me with my face altered and augmented breasts.”
Caitlyn then reveals that she suddenly realised she hadn’t even seen herself, and worried that she may look into the mirror and see a stranger looking back.
But as we know, Caitlyn has never been happier now that she’s living as her true self.
She went on to say later in the book that she’d had the final surgery.
She wrote: “After much deliberation, I had The Final Surgery in January 2017. The surgery was a success, and I feel not only wonderful but liberated. I am telling you because I believe in candor. So all of you can stop staring. You want to know, so now you know. Which is why this is the first time, and the last time, I will ever speak of it.”
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